Tips for Keeping a Positive Attitude

I taught a workshop at Stake Women's Conference on Saturday on the power of a positive attitude. The twenty minutes went by so fast and I didn't get to share the last part of my outline which is how to have and maintain a positive attitude - little tips that work for me that I wanted to share. I promised to post it online - here it is! 

DAILY QUESTION: What do you do to keep a positive attitude? Please share below!

Talk about a positive attitude!

My husband let our 3-year-old doll him up a bit!

How to Have and Maintain a Positive Attitude

·         Desire – It starts with the desire to be more optimistic, followed by actions.

·         Accept what we cannot change -We can’t control others’ behaviors, actions and feelings but we can control our own. Start with your thoughts and feelings and assume responsibility. 

·         Avoid stress and boredom - These are the two common enemies to keeping a positive attitude. Look for extra activities that you can purge to free up your time. If you are bored, take on new projects to keep you busy. Focus on things that will educate and uplift you, avoid mindless entertainment. Take classes, read books, learn a new skill or hobby. Look for ways to serve others.

·         Don’t focus on what you can’t do, take action for what you CAN do and what you have control over - Here are some tips:

o   Ask - From a young age, I was blessed with the ability to be optimistic. If being positive isn’t one of your gifts, strengths or something that comes natural – realize that it’s something you can ask for. Through prayer and priesthood blessings you can receive the ability to be more positive.

o   Sleep – Lack of sleep will cause you to be groggy, less productive, unable to concentrate, experience high levels of anxiety, depression and health problems. Make changes – cut out extra activities. Don’t wait until after the kids have gone to bed to start your day or begin your projects. Instead, use that time to wind down. Get rid of the need to over achieve. Your to-do-list will always be there, there’s no need to replace work with sleep.

o   Doll Up a Bit – It may sound superficial but really it’s not. How you portray yourself on the outside is a reflection of how you feel on the inside. If I feel great I want it to show. Also, if I’m not feeling so great – if I just take a little bit of time to doll up, suddenly my mood improves. I don’t always have time to look glamorous in the mornings when I’m trying to get my kids ready for school, but I know that whatever I look like by 10:00 am is how I will end up looking the rest of the day – especially with all the things I have to do. So, I do my best to do some quick simple things to help me feel pretty and put my best foot forward. If I have to throw my hair up, I’ll wear some cute sparkly earrings. A little lip gloss, eyeliner and some body spray is enough to make me feel like I am ready to face the world.  If I can make the time, I try to put together an outfit that makes me feel pretty – even if it’s a stay home day (that may just mean wearing clothes that are clean and stain-free LOL). The point is I do something. It boosts my confidence and shows my kids that I do care about how I present myself to the world.

o   Prayer list – I can’t tell you how many times I have told someone I would “keep them in my prayers” and then come evening I would kneel to pray and it slipped my mind to pray for them. That’s why I try to keep a list through the day of things and people to pray for. This makes my prayers more meaningful and I’m able to remember what I’d like to talk to my Father in Heaven about. Definitely helps me be more positive!

  

o   Blessing Book – I keep a small book at my nightstand where I record all the positive things that happened to me each day. A little different than a journal as I’m just listing my blessings in bullet points. This helps me to realize that Lord never abandons me. It sure comes in handy on days that don’t feel too chipper. I pull out that book and read through it often to be reminded of all the tender mercies the Lord has shown me and to learn to recognize the many different ways in which He shows his love for me.

o   Compliment Yourself and Others Daily – I have found that if at any time I think something positive about someone and I go out of my way to tell them that, it programs my mind to always look for the good in people. It’s a good feeling watching someone receive a compliment and I like to spread those good feelings around. I also try to remember to compliment myself daily – it’s just as important.

o   Positive Affirmations - (Affirming positive statements about yourself over and over until you program your mind to believe and become those statements)  If it’s difficult for you to tell yourself things such as “I am a wonderful mom” or “I am great at making new friendships” then start with baby steps. For example, if you have struggled with being happy and you want to recite the affirmation “I am happy” start with “I deserve to be happy” then “I can be happy” followed by  “I choose to be happy” until it feels natural to say, “I am happy”. Recite these statements, post them all around your house and soon you will believe them and become what they say.

o   Negative Eraser – Every time a negative thought pops into your head, erase that negative thought with a positive one. Better yet, five positive thoughts. Sometimes when we compare ourselves to others we become critical of those people to make ourselves feel better or we just become critical of ourselves. When you find yourself saying, “She is so involved – she probably neglects her children in order to accomplish all that she does. I may not accomplish much in my life but at least I am there for my kids.” ERASE that thought at once with something like, “Wow, she sure is great at getting involved. Look at all she does to help our community. We need more people like that.” Then think about all the other things you like about that person and list them in your mind. This will do wonders for your attitude!   

o   Personal Re-TREAT - (Bubble bath, nap, favorite desert, chapter in a great book, paint your toenails – etc.) I allow a little time EVERY day for just me. Whether it’s to enjoy a treat, watch something uplifting, exercising, or driving alone in the car somewhere listening to my favorite music and singing at the top of my lungs. I just need that time to boost my spirits, regroup or relax. I can’t rely on others to boost my spirits for me, so I have to remember to take that initiative. I am important and I need to take care of myself too.

I also like to offer little surprises to my husband and kids. Like the new grape/lemonade Trident chewing gum. It’s new, it’s fun – why not hide a pack in each of their shoes? Or put a little treat and message in their coat pockets for them to discover at school? I like to keep life fun and full of little surprises each day.   

o   Try New Traditions – Create fun traditions to counteract gloom and doom. For example whenever there is a bad thunderstorm and we have to stay inside, my kids automatically scream, “Thunder Cake!” I started a tradition where we read this cute book called, Thunder Cake and then we make the recipe in the back of the book. It’s fun! Mondays are usually dreaded but Monday night is Treasure Box. The kids get to pick out of the treasure box after family home evening. Friday night is pizza (on the carpet) movie night. Some days its homemade other days it’s frozen or takeout but we let the kids pick the movie out and then we all plop on the floor in front of the TV and eat pizza, salad and a float. Also, my kids each have a night where they get to be my special kitchen helper and help me plan and make dinner. It’s fun for both of us. We used to do culture night on Thursdays. We would have a meal and desert from a different culture and learn some things about that culture during dinner and I would decorate the table. Too many traditions however can be overwhelming so keep it reasonable. 

These traditions help my kids forget all the little problems that don’t matter and come home from school happy and excited which makes me and my husband happy and excited! (You don’t have to have a spouse or children to do these things. Create traditions for yourself and they have the same effect).

o   Ready, Set, Goal! – That’s right, make plans and set goals! Always having something to look forward to is very motivating and can keep your mind off of the depressing things in life. Plan an activity, getaway, vacation or things you would like to achieve. Remember, keep them small and simple because then you are more likely to make them happen. I will write down a new recipe or a restaurant I want to try each month (sometimes I let the kids look through my recipe books and let them pick out something they want to try or help make), or even a fun place I want to take the kids. Then I talk about it often with the family and we all get excited for that day to come.

o   At Your Service - (As Seen on Facebook). If you look around it’s not hard to find service opportunities. Serving keeps you busy and helps you to forget about your own problems. If you don’t have service ideas, try this one! Put a post on facebook that you would like to offer service to the first five people who respond. Whether it be making them cookies, babysitting for them, or running to the store to grab them something they need etc. Trust me, the response to your post will be quick and you will be kept busy helping others. It’s a great feeling!

o   Surround Yourself with People Who Uplift You – This is so important! If you’ve ever felt trapped in a room where the conversation taking place is negative, depressing or just plain, destructive gossip – it can really change your mood. Avoid these groups or places and surround yourself with people who are uplifting. Church groups/activities, family members, neighbors etc. This goes the same for media. Axe the negative media in your life (negative talk shows, TV personalities who tend to be critical, music that dampers your mood or portrays a negative message, movies that are violent or graphic etc.) Always seek after that which uplifts!

o   Make a Soundtrack for Your Life – Music is the quickest way to change your mood. Last year I sold my ipod as I got a new phone and was going to upload all my music to my phone and purchase some new music as well. Around the same time we got a new internet service which messed up our desktop computer where all of our music was stored. Around that time my husband began to remodel the office rendering the computer out of service as everything was unplugged and stored away. Long story short, I went several months without my playlist and it made all the difference. I couldn’t figure out what had changed in my life, but I didn’t feel as sunny and bright as I had before. Then we switched back to our old internet provider and the computer was set up again in the office and I finally uploaded all of my music to my phone. I began to play to play it again, while I cleaned, while I cooked and I noticed myself becoming happier. This was the soundtrack for my life.

Make yourself a soundtrack. These should not be songs that you feel describe your life or unfortunate experiences, but rather songs that you recall during the best times of your life. Songs that remind you of the good and the positive memories. Even new songs that make feel good and encourage you to do better. This isn’t a workout mix or even a romantic love mix (but if romantic love ballads make you happy – go for it!) Play your music when you are doing things that you typically don’t enjoy such as cleaning the bathroom or dusting blinds and you will find that it goes by quickly and that you do it so much better with the music.  

o   Look for the Laugh - Laughter lowers blood pressure and triggers euphoria. The average child laughs hundreds of times per day and the average adult laughs only a dozen times per day. If you can find the humor in every “bad” situation it won’t seem like such a “bad” situation. This comes in handy with children. My daughter gets into my makeup and it’s all over her face – instead of yelling and sending her to her room, I laugh at how silly she looks and I take a picture. I might say something like, “Were you trying to look pretty? Guess what, you look pretty without all this makeup. This is mommy’s makeup and it doesn’t look good on kids. How about next time you ask me to help you and I can braid your hair or put some lip gloss on you?” Then I have her look in the mirror and get her to laugh at how silly the purple lip stick on her forehead looks.

This is much easier said than done, but if you can master it you will find that life becomes much more enjoyable and parenthood much more bearable. With all there is to be thankful for and happy about why not look for the laugh rather than the wrath!  

In this month’s Ensign Elder Richard G Scott has an article titled, Living a Life of Peace, Joy, and Purpose – He lists 10 specific things to help you be successful in the plan that the Lord would have you follow in your life. He says,

“Sixth, smile. I don’t mean that you need to be cracking jokes every day, but a good joke now and then is an escape valve. Life is not all that bad. You will soon learn that everybody has problems and nobody wants to hear about yours. Put those things aside and smile. Have a good sense of humor, as the prophets do. I wish I could tell you some of the things that we talk about. Not flippant things, not things that are inappropriate—just a good sense of humor. I will tell you a secret of how to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face no matter how you feel: go to bed with a coat hanger in your mouth. Remember, a good sense of humor helps you greatly.”

o   Be on the Brightside - Look for the best in others and give benefit of the doubt. In every obstacle or challenge, ask yourself, what strengths did you develop, what lessons did you learn and how can you grow from this? This is truly learning to see the glass half full in all situations. Remember, every obstacle is also an opportunity.

o   Choose to Celebrate – We have a choice each day we wake up. We can focus on the negative or celebrate the positive (the little things). When tragedy strikes, look for the blessings you still have and celebrate them!

Sometimes we think only glorious and grand accomplishments or occasions are worthy of celebration but really all the good in life should be celebrated especially when someone is having a bad day. Your son comes home upset because he failed a math test? Take him out for ice cream and celebrate his ability to be a great friend and wonderful older brother. Tell him all the things you love about him. Your husband didn’t get that job he really wanted – set up the balloons, cake and ice cream and when he walks through that door have everyone hug him and celebrate that he is healthy and such a great father.

There is good all around us, but we get so used to it that we forget to celebrate it. The bad and unfortunate circumstances in our lives do not deserve all of our attention and energy. Remember to look for the good and to give that your full time and attention. It makes all the difference!