I taught a workshop at Stake Women's Conference on Saturday on the power of a positive attitude. The twenty minutes went by so fast and I didn't get to share the last part of my outline which is how to have and maintain a positive attitude - little tips that work for me that I wanted to share. I promised to post it online - here it is!
DAILY QUESTION: What do you do to keep a positive attitude? Please share below!
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| Talk about a positive attitude! |
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| My husband let our 3-year-old doll him up a bit! |
How to Have and Maintain a Positive Attitude
·
Desire –
It starts with the desire to be more optimistic, followed by actions.
·
Accept
what we cannot change -We can’t control others’ behaviors, actions and
feelings but we can control our own. Start with your thoughts and feelings and
assume responsibility.
·
Avoid stress
and boredom - These are the two common enemies to keeping a positive attitude.
Look for extra activities that you can purge to free up your time. If you are
bored, take on new projects to keep you busy. Focus on things that will educate
and uplift you, avoid mindless entertainment. Take classes, read books, learn a
new skill or hobby. Look for ways to serve others.
·
Don’t
focus on what you can’t do, take action for what you CAN do and what you
have control over - Here are some tips:
o
Ask -
From a young age, I was blessed with the ability to be optimistic. If being
positive isn’t one of your gifts, strengths or something that comes natural – realize
that it’s something you can ask for. Through prayer and priesthood blessings you
can receive the ability to be more positive.
o
Sleep – Lack
of sleep will cause you to be groggy, less productive, unable to concentrate,
experience high levels of anxiety, depression and health problems. Make changes
– cut out extra activities. Don’t wait until after the kids have gone to bed to
start your day or begin your projects. Instead, use that time to wind down. Get
rid of the need to over achieve. Your to-do-list will always be there, there’s
no need to replace work with sleep.
o
Doll Up a
Bit – It may sound superficial but really it’s not. How you portray
yourself on the outside is a reflection of how you feel on the inside. If I
feel great I want it to show. Also, if I’m not feeling so great – if I just
take a little bit of time to doll up, suddenly my mood improves. I don’t always
have time to look glamorous in the mornings when I’m trying to get my kids
ready for school, but I know that whatever I look like by 10:00 am is how I
will end up looking the rest of the day – especially with all the things I have
to do. So, I do my best to do some quick simple things to help me feel pretty
and put my best foot forward. If I have to throw my hair up, I’ll wear some
cute sparkly earrings. A little lip gloss, eyeliner and some body spray is
enough to make me feel like I am ready to face the world. If I can make the time, I try to put together
an outfit that makes me feel pretty – even if it’s a stay home day (that may
just mean wearing clothes that are clean and stain-free LOL). The point is I do
something. It boosts my confidence and shows my kids that I do care about how I
present myself to the world.
o
Prayer
list – I can’t tell you how many times I have told someone I would “keep
them in my prayers” and then come evening I would kneel to pray and it slipped
my mind to pray for them. That’s why I try to keep a list through the day of
things and people to pray for. This makes my prayers more meaningful and I’m
able to remember what I’d like to talk to my Father in Heaven about. Definitely
helps me be more positive!
o
Blessing Book
– I keep a small book at my nightstand where I record all the positive things
that happened to me each day. A little different than a journal as I’m just
listing my blessings in bullet points. This helps me to realize that Lord never
abandons me. It sure comes in handy on days that don’t feel too chipper. I pull
out that book and read through it often to be reminded of all the tender
mercies the Lord has shown me and to learn to recognize the many different ways
in which He shows his love for me.
o
Compliment Yourself and Others Daily – I have found that if at any time I think
something positive about someone and I go out of my way to tell them that, it
programs my mind to always look for the good in people. It’s a good feeling
watching someone receive a compliment and I like to spread those good feelings
around. I also try to remember to compliment myself daily – it’s just as
important.
o
Positive
Affirmations - (Affirming positive statements about yourself over and over
until you program your mind to believe and become those statements) If it’s difficult for you to tell yourself
things such as “I am a wonderful mom” or “I am great at making new friendships”
then start with baby steps. For example, if you have struggled with being happy
and you want to recite the affirmation “I am happy” start with “I deserve to be happy” then “I can be happy” followed by “I
choose to be happy” until it feels natural to say, “I am happy”. Recite these statements, post them all around your
house and soon you will believe them and become what they say.
o
Negative
Eraser – Every time a negative thought pops into your head, erase that
negative thought with a positive one. Better yet, five positive thoughts.
Sometimes when we compare ourselves to others we become critical of those
people to make ourselves feel better or we just become critical of ourselves.
When you find yourself saying, “She is so involved – she probably neglects her
children in order to accomplish all that she does. I may not accomplish much in
my life but at least I am there for my kids.” ERASE that thought at once with
something like, “Wow, she sure is great at getting involved. Look at all she
does to help our community. We need more people like that.” Then think about all
the other things you like about that person and list them in your mind. This
will do wonders for your attitude!
o
Personal
Re-TREAT - (Bubble bath, nap, favorite desert, chapter in a great book, paint
your toenails – etc.) I allow a little time EVERY day for just me. Whether it’s
to enjoy a treat, watch something uplifting, exercising, or driving alone in
the car somewhere listening to my favorite music and singing at the top of my
lungs. I just need that time to boost my spirits, regroup or relax. I can’t
rely on others to boost my spirits for me, so I have to remember to take that
initiative. I am important and I need to take care of myself too.
I also like to offer little surprises to my
husband and kids. Like the new grape/lemonade Trident chewing gum. It’s new, it’s
fun – why not hide a pack in each of their shoes? Or put a little treat and
message in their coat pockets for them to discover at school? I like to keep
life fun and full of little surprises each day.
o
Try New Traditions
– Create fun traditions to counteract gloom and doom. For example whenever
there is a bad thunderstorm and we have to stay inside, my kids automatically
scream,
“Thunder Cake!” I started a tradition where we read this cute book
called, Thunder Cake and then we make the recipe in the back of the book. It’s
fun! Mondays are usually dreaded but Monday night is Treasure Box. The kids get
to pick out of the treasure box after family home evening. Friday night is
pizza (on the carpet) movie night. Some days its homemade other days it’s frozen
or takeout but we let the kids pick the movie out and then we all plop on the
floor in front of the TV and eat pizza, salad and a float. Also, my kids each
have a night where they get to be my special kitchen helper and help me plan
and make dinner. It’s fun for both of us. We used to do culture night on
Thursdays. We would have a meal and desert from a different culture and learn
some things about that culture during dinner and I would decorate the table. Too
many traditions however can be overwhelming so keep it reasonable.
These
traditions help my kids forget all the little problems that don’t matter and
come home from school happy and excited which makes me and my husband happy and
excited! (You don’t have to have a spouse or children to do these things.
Create traditions for yourself and they have the same effect).
o
Ready,
Set, Goal! – That’s right, make plans and set goals! Always having
something to look forward to is very motivating and can keep your mind off of
the depressing things in life. Plan an activity, getaway, vacation or things
you would like to achieve. Remember, keep them small and simple because then
you are more likely to make them happen. I will write down a new recipe or a restaurant
I want to try each month (sometimes I let the kids look through my recipe books
and let them pick out something they want to try or help make), or even a fun
place I want to take the kids. Then I talk about it often with the family and
we all get excited for that day to come.
o
At Your Service -
(As Seen on Facebook). If you look around it’s not hard to find service
opportunities. Serving keeps you busy and helps you to forget about your own
problems. If you don’t have service ideas, try this one! Put a post on facebook
that you would like to offer service to the first five people who respond. Whether
it be making them cookies, babysitting for them, or running to the store to
grab them something they need etc. Trust me, the response to your post will be
quick and you will be kept busy helping others. It’s a great feeling!
o
Surround Yourself with People Who Uplift You – This is so important! If you’ve ever
felt trapped in a room where the conversation taking place is negative,
depressing or just plain, destructive gossip – it can really change your mood. Avoid
these groups or places and surround yourself with people who are uplifting.
Church groups/activities, family members, neighbors etc. This goes the same for
media. Axe the negative media in your life (negative talk shows, TV
personalities who tend to be critical, music that dampers your mood or portrays
a negative message, movies that are violent or graphic etc.) Always seek after
that which uplifts!
o
Make a
Soundtrack for Your Life – Music is the quickest way to change your mood.
Last year I sold my ipod as I got a new phone and was going to upload all my
music to my phone and purchase some new music as well. Around the same time we
got a new internet service which messed up our desktop computer where all of
our music was stored. Around that time my husband began to remodel the office
rendering the computer out of service as everything was unplugged and stored
away. Long story short, I went several months without my playlist and it made
all the difference. I couldn’t figure out what had changed in my life, but I
didn’t feel as sunny and bright as I had before. Then we switched back to our
old internet provider and the computer was set up again in the office and I
finally uploaded all of my music to my phone. I began to play to play it again,
while I cleaned, while I cooked and I noticed myself becoming happier. This was
the soundtrack for my life.
Make yourself a soundtrack. These
should not be songs that you feel describe your life or unfortunate experiences,
but rather songs that you recall during the best times of your life. Songs that
remind you of the good and the positive memories. Even new songs that make feel
good and encourage you to do better. This isn’t a workout mix or even a
romantic love mix (but if romantic love ballads make you happy – go for it!) Play
your music when you are doing things that you typically don’t enjoy such as
cleaning the bathroom or dusting blinds and you will find that it goes by
quickly and that you do it so much better with the music.
o Look for the Laugh - Laughter lowers
blood pressure and triggers euphoria. The average child laughs hundreds of
times per day and the average adult laughs only a dozen times per day. If you
can find the humor in every “bad” situation it won’t seem like such a “bad”
situation. This comes in handy with children. My daughter gets into my makeup
and it’s all over her face – instead of yelling and sending her to her room, I
laugh at how silly she looks and I take a picture. I might say something like, “Were
you trying to look pretty? Guess what, you look pretty without all this makeup.
This is mommy’s makeup and it doesn’t look good on kids. How about next time
you ask me to help you and I can braid your hair or put some lip gloss on you?”
Then I have her look in the mirror and get her to laugh at how silly the purple
lip stick on her forehead looks.
This is much easier said than done, but if
you can master it you will find that life becomes much more enjoyable and
parenthood much more bearable. With all there is to be thankful for and happy
about why not look for the laugh rather than the wrath!
In this
month’s Ensign Elder Richard G Scott
has an article titled, Living a Life of Peace, Joy, and Purpose
– He lists 10 specific things to help you be successful in the plan that the
Lord would have you follow in your life. He says,
“Sixth, smile. I don’t mean that you need to be cracking
jokes every day, but a good joke now and then is an escape valve. Life is not all
that bad. You will soon learn that everybody has problems and nobody wants to
hear about yours. Put those things aside and smile. Have a good sense of humor,
as the prophets do. I wish I could tell you some of the things that we talk
about. Not flippant things, not things that are inappropriate—just a good sense
of humor. I will tell you a secret of how to wake up in the morning with a
smile on your face no matter how you feel: go to bed with a coat hanger in your
mouth. Remember, a good sense of humor helps you greatly.”
o
Be on the
Brightside - Look for the best in others and give benefit of the doubt. In
every obstacle or challenge, ask yourself, what strengths did you develop, what
lessons did you learn and how can you grow from this? This is truly learning to
see the glass half full in all situations. Remember, every obstacle is also an
opportunity.
o
Choose to
Celebrate – We have a choice each day we wake up. We can focus on the
negative or celebrate the positive (the little things). When tragedy strikes,
look for the blessings you still have and celebrate them!
Sometimes we think only glorious and grand
accomplishments or occasions are worthy of celebration but really all the good
in life should be celebrated especially when someone is having a bad day. Your
son comes home upset because he failed a math test? Take him out for ice cream and
celebrate his ability to be a great friend and wonderful older brother. Tell
him all the things you love about him. Your husband didn’t get that job he
really wanted – set up the balloons, cake and ice cream and when he walks
through that door have everyone hug him and celebrate that he is healthy and
such a great father.
There is good all around us, but we get so
used to it that we forget to celebrate it. The bad and unfortunate
circumstances in our lives do not deserve all of our attention and energy. Remember
to look for the good and to give that your full time and attention. It makes all
the difference!
