This topic was long overdue in my own life and over the last couple of months I have really made a night and day difference in my well-being by doing a major purge of the people and things that were draining my time and energy so that I didn't have enough to put into the things I was passionate about. So, what exactly does purge mean? If you look at the definition from The Free Dictionary online, this is what you'll see:
purge
v. purged, purg·ing, purg·es
1.
a. To free from impurities; purify.
b. To remove (impurities and other elements) by or as if by cleansing.
2. To rid of sin, guilt, or defilement.
3. Law To clear (a person) of a charge or an imputation. Often used with respect to contempt of court.
4.
a. To rid (a nation or political party, for example) of people considered undesirable.
b. To get rid of (people considered undesirable).
I'm going to focus on definitions
#1-b. and
#4 -b. Impurities, elements and undesirable people. This was really tough for me because I'm super kind to everyone. It's always been difficult for me to separate "being assertive" from "being mean" - they are not the same thing. Even though I was a state certified instructor back in the day for teaching others how to do this and understand this concept - it was much easier said than done.
I'll never forget the wise words spoken from a powerful woman entrepreneur/life coach that I met a few years ago. She said, "If there is ever anything in your life (person, project, or organization) that is draining you of your time and energy and not allowing you to have the time and energy you need to do the things you are passionate about (your family, goals and dreams) then it's okay to cut those things out of your life. Your well-being comes first and if you are feeling drained, stressed, anxious, tired and unhappy on a daily basis, how are you going to be the mom or wife that you want to be? How are you going to reach your goals? It just makes sense - doesn't it?
Well, I took her words to heart back then and mustered up the courage to cut some very unhealthy and draining people & projects out of my life. I talk about this experience in my book,
Successful Failures and how good it felt to have that weight lifted off of my shoulders. As difficult and awkward as I thought it would be, I've never regretted that decision.
As life often goes, we end up repeating many of the same lessons again. This year I experienced that firsthand. There were a couple of people and projects that again entered my life and were eating up my time and causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. My husband said this happened because I'm too nice and people jump all over that weakness of mine. They come to me asking for all sorts of favors knowing that I will always say "yes". My sister says that I have the classic "Keller Trait", meaning that I get that weakness from my Dad's side of the family - the Kellers. They were known for their kindness, generosity and inability to say, "no". My mom tells me that I'm a pushover. She says I let people walk all over me and I don't have a backbone. At the same time she tells me I am very stubborn. Isn't "stubborn-pushover" an oxymoron? If you ask me, I'd say that I just don't like contention and so I do my best to keep the peace. I always felt that people came to me because I was supposed to help them and in the end we would both get something good out of it. Truthfully, in the situations I had found myself in, all I was getting out of it was headaches, sleepless nights and stress.
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After hearing everyone around me tell me that yes, I needed to take a stand and cut out the projects and people that were destroying my well-being and/or taking away my focus from the things that were more important, I again mustered up the courage (after a lot of prayer) and made a purge.
You know purging has been a good decision when you really feel that weight lifted off your shoulders. I couldn't believe how heavy I had felt all those months. The sheer weightlessness I was experiencing was incredible! I felt like I could breath better, sleep better and had more energy. What I learned was that some people understood and were very kind about it and we still keep in touch - others were not so happy about it and were very upset. That's when I realized how much control they really had over me and how they were not so willing to give it up. Again, it confirmed that I had made a wise decision to cut ties.
The story doesn't end there. With a fresh, clear mind I was able to steer my focus back towards the things I had been working on before all of this happened. I couldn't believe how off-track from my goals I had strayed. One of the main things I had been so passionate about was this blog. If you read the
"about" section you'll see what my original intentions were for this blog. Then if you look through all the posts, you'll see that it quickly turned into just a scrapbook of my children. I didn't have the time or energy to write inspiring posts so all I could do was post pictures and videos of my family - even that felt like a draining project.
Now that I have my focus back, the inspiration is pouring in. I'm so excited to write and connect with so many of you out there. This is one of the things I was born to do - write; in order to connect and inspire. My passion has been reignited all from a long overdue purge.
Okay, so look at your own life. Are there things, people, projects or organizations that are draining you of your passion? Now - don't say your children. If you're mind went there - it's okay to laugh about it for a second but realize that our family members are off limits from purging. They teach us the things we need to learn like patience and unconditional love. Instead look for ways you can get your passion back about being a good mom, wife, sister etc. by purging the secondary things in life that really shouldn't be a priority.
Whether it be the news, an addiction, a week night social group etc., look for the things that are draining you of your time, energy, passion and focus on what's really important - and purge them. Don't worry about what people might think or say - just put your own well-being in the driver's seat and take control again of your life and your happiness.
If you are feeling stressed, anxious, worried, depressed and find yourself often complaining about situations and people in your life - it's most likely time for a purge. Look for the activities and people that are steering you off course and say, "goodbye". It's possible to be firm and assertive without being rude. Say what you mean and mean what you say - and stick to it. When life is no longer enjoyable - it's because you have lost control. Get it back and steer your life to where it needs to be. Find out what it is you were sent here to do and do it! When you're doing what you're supposed to be doing it feels good and enjoyable. You feel the passion and you are good at it. Find what that is and do it! The other things don't matter and will work themselves out. You can do it!
Daily Question: Does saying, "No" come easy to you or do you struggle? Please share.
Gabe loved this meal! He loves fish and fast food. 
After dinner Manuel felt like we needed shakes so he went and bought pumpkin, candy cane and eggnog. 
On Sunday we had our fancy dinner!
The kids kept their church clothes on because we had tithing settlement with the bishop after dinner. 
F The potatoes
They ate all the shrimp! 
Cambrey in her cute pilgrim hat. 
